Negative Emotions and Infertility

Negative emotions and infertility when you’re trying really, really hard to stay positive

Chinese Medicine says that there are no negative emotions as long as they are appropriate to the situation. So if someone cuts you off in traffic and you shout “idiot!”.  That anger is fine. Just don’t hang onto it for miles and miles and  the next day because that is not appropriate to the situation. Your mother dies and you are depressed and cry for days, that’s appropriate.  The word emotion itself hints at the purpose.  E-motion: let the feelings move through you.  Sometimes that movement takes a moment and sometime it takes much, much longer especially when it comes to negative emotions and infertility.

Trying to conceive can lead to all sorts of  negative emotions.  Fear, anger, frustration, disappointment, depression, hopelessness, jealousy, loneliness, you name it.  How long is it appropriate to feel these feelings?  That varies from person to person and situation to situation.  Are you 33 years old or 43 years old?  Is this your first month trying to conceive or your 7th year of TTC?  Is this your first round of IVF or your 9th?  Is your younger sister or best friend having her 3rd baby?  Is the woman you share an office with pregnant, again?  When it comes to the “failed” attempts and disappoints in TTC only you can know what to feel and for how long.  The key is to take the time to feel an emotion to it’s fullest extent, let it all out until you’ve maxed out on it.  Then you will have a reprieve.  Maybe the emotion will come back again at a later date (because TTC can be a roller coaster), but trying to stay positive and putting a cork on these feelings creates stress.  Remember this is something really meaningful, this is not just a new handbag you’e trying to get.  It’s really, really important to you so it’s ok to be disappointed and frustrated.  With negative emotions and infertility it may feel like a pendulum that swings between pessimism and optimism.  However,  in the middle, there is also the place of realism.  Realism can be a nice place to occupy, it gives a little of both the optimism and the pessimism, but without the highs and lows.

Negative emotions and infertility can lead to swearing: “Sh!t, my period came again.”

Psychologists at England’s Keele University say cursing is a harmless, creative emotional release that can make you feel stronger.  Hell yes, studies show that swearing may actually be beneficial to you!  Read this for more info.  Check out this article which highlights the benefits. Swearing, negative emotions and infertility go hand in hand. Some of the benefits of swearing are that:

1. It can make you feel in control
2. It can be cathartic
3. It lets you express yourself
4. It eases pain
5. It helps you bond with others
6. It is a method of non-violent retribution (which is great especially when you don’t know where to place your anger, which is often the case when struggling with fertility)

So when your period starts or that negative pregnancy test result comes up, or if you get a diagnosis of low ovarian reserve or endometriosis and you feel those negative emotions bubbling up, go ahead, drop the F-BOMB!